Dec 20, 2021 • 5M

about amy writes poems

an explanation of the project

 
1.0×
0:00
-4:47
Open in playerListen on);
Episode details
Comments

about amy writes poems

"An exciting expansion to the Amy Verbs Nouns Cinematic Universe" -- Amy's friend Nat

These poems are provided as-is and I will not be taking questions.

There are no benefits to subscribing except that you can read or hear some poems I have written. I will not answer any questions about these poems. If you think you are in a poem, too bad. I will not confirm or deny that. The voice of the poet and the voice of the speaker are not the same voice. Leave me alone, I just want to say some words into the ether.

Some of the poems will only be available to paid subscribers and this is at my discretion so suck it up.

Some of them are parts of larger works. You will receive them in whatever order I choose and I do not guarantee to release the entire larger work within our lifetimes.

Some of the poems are about sad things. This should not be shocking to you if you know me. If you don’t know me, what are you even doing here reading a stranger’s poems on the internet, my god, there’s all of twitter out there and you’re reading my shit?

***

Amy, why are you releasing these poems now?

Well, that’s a great question. I was holding back my poems for two reasons.

The first reason is because some of them seem awfully personal. But actually all these poems have been dictated to me by a demon, so any resemblance you might think you see to actual humans, cats, or events in my life (about which I may or may not have signed NDAs) is entirely, entirely coincidental and actually just the demon fucking with you.

Actually I found all these poems written in the sky in a Minecraft world by an unknown attacker exploiting the Log4J vulnerability. They have taken control of the Minecraft world, and said if I didn’t post all the poems on the internet they would never let me have it back, and I put a lot of effort into building a functioning supercomputer inside my Minecraft world and the supercomputer is currently busy minting NFTs for me so I really don’t have much choice.

The second reason is that I have had some poems published in Literary Journals and I thought maybe I could get more poems published in Literary Journals. Literary Journals will not publish your poems if they have already appeared on anything they might call a ‘blog’ or a ‘myspace page’ or a ‘LiveJournal’ or even written in the sky inside a Minecraft world, because if you do that you are a Rank Amateur and do not deserve to have your work published in a Literary Journal.

The problem is that getting published in a Literary Journal, while entirely possible and something I have in fact accomplished a few times, is not exactly fun or satisfying. The process is something like getting insurance reimbursements and involves hours and hours of labor per poem and a lot of carefully tended spreadsheets, and like insurance reimbursements some people pay other people to do this tedious work for them, but unlike insurance reimbursements which theoretically at least result in some money for you, getting published in a Literary Journal nets you approximately -$30 and a discount on 5 author copies of the journal in question, of which there are only 500 copies printed, none of which will end up in the hands of anyone who has ever mocked you for writing poems or said you would never amount to anything in your life or who resembles any subject of any of the poems and should feel bad about that and will upon reading the poem regret having ever scorned/harmed/dumped/fucked/fired or tormented you.

So, I’ll be releasing the poems on a schedule entirely up to me/the demon/the Minecraft ransomware entity with explanations or not as I/the demon/the Minecraft ransomware entity see fit.

Thanks for understanding,

Amy